dreams, and how they relate.

dreams.
 i realized today that I make connections in my dreams to all the pieces i accumulate ina  day, but what about the info thats in my dreams that i could not know about. last night, or rather the night before since its now five in the morning,  I took four sleep aide gel caps, after the night before i took two and had slight dmt effects before going to sleep, and chillled with d mill and therra. Anyways i took four and could not sleep, finally i got to sleep and the only piece of my dream from the night before hit me a little while after i woke up. i was controlling a mechanism, but in the mechanism there was a fan, spinning, to cool a piece of heated coil like a large oven burner, but the side That the fan, and Myself incidentally at the same time, was cooling off the piece of the coil that wasnt even working anymore. i broke off the usual spin axis and broke everything apart, and the hot part of the coil re-melted everything into something brand new, I have been in the same cycle since i graduated high school. fuck. I need something new, and to re establish myself. I am lonely man, but not in a way that is all depressing. i just wish i could have that ongoing conversation with someone, when that conversation turns into an ongoing argument, is it too late? haha for me probably. i need to re desensitze myself, but not to the extent i came from, coming from brooklyn, but to the extent of naive. o man those were the days. my thoughts haunt me, but really they are thoughts of the future, and its not a haunting, but a daunting, daring mission about to take off. life is a mission, im going to accomplish, but this is my first go in cognative memory, and im still fucking shit up. i cannot be around people i care about, because my actions may influence them. this is not something that i would like. also when i am around people i care about i do not feel free, do i care about people who care about the wrong things in me, or the right things in me. i dont really know where i stand with a lot of things. i have played the devils advocate for so long, in a sense, as well as a manipulative hidden agenda. that combined with overwhelming notions of empathy and all Im left with is the fact that I actually know nothing, except for a few things, which are all conundrums. I love to be around the ones i care about, but when i'm around the ones I care about, my life sucks. essentially the way things are set up you need money to survive. to save money means nothing unless you spend it at some point.