Is who we are a core principle in itself or do we build who we are based on the life around us? Can we choose who we are, and completely be them, or still be torn inside between the halfs of creation and separation completely unbound by the reality that it created. Is who we are something we make or is who we are something we are at the core of all being. Can one subject themselves to completely break down everything they know and re learn to live life thru the eyes of the created person. What is contentness. Do we strive to be that person never to be happy. Or are we that person as its happening and realizing who we were that will make us who we want to be. Can we break down everything that happens and re evaluate it as one that will take the actions of the sought being. Will be able to just go. No more influences of culture or material objects but of ones internal thoughts that are the most valuable. The means to express them is crucial . aboput to start over. Too much chaotic mess about to= strat new system that will wipe current expansion of knowledge to the base of a new understanding that will exist within youth. ++

the addiction affliction and the result of a bad decision

when talking about addiction, are we talking about the constant thoughts or cravings or the behavior and the scrap savings. it all comes and goes, but really no body knows, exactly what it is that makes us tick, or keeps us sick. we are all made up of the same chemical make up, so why do some of us need to alter our mind, as soon as we wake up.
the addiction affliction, affects us all, some of us like coke weed and booze, others are addicted to bets they cannot lose, for some of us its eating, and for others its like a tide receding, coming and going, sober to binges, hanging out in the middle, with a mind on the fringes. what happens when you slam that door shut, but it comes off the hinges. there is no way to know, when it will creep back again, but all I know, is I am strong enough to win. or at least switch it up, always something new, but regardless of what you are doing, you are still the same old you.
\what about actions, where the consequence is known, versus an ignorant person in a situation they havent encountered before. if you learn it once, im sure it will come back again, but then its gone , like dust in the wind. its gone from our vantage point here, but where does the dust go, is it fate or our soul that gets to stear, does it travel far and wide, landing on others not knowing why, or does it always hover, always near, processed through fear.
there is no addictive personalities, only addictive behavior, the thoughts we know need to change, otherwise we are a slave, working its labor. if everything is laid out, in front of us wide, why do we choose, to run and hide. the unknown is something that needs to be jumped into fully, but beware, life might see what you are made of, seemingly picking on you like a bully. its not your actions that get judged, although some of us think thats the case, its your reaction to it all, standing up and acknowledging all the things you must face.

the point is infinite

It has been too long, since thoughts have been solely on me,
but its time, I let all the other people free
they no longer help me up, but rather hold me down
I am leader of the summit people, I do not need a crown
every time I try to rise, people tell me I'm wrong,
but in actuality, its all the people around that make me feel like I need to hit the bong
not in a sense of peer pressure, you can't pressure me
but in the sense, that it takes time to make a decision
i'm not indecisive,  I simply like to completely make up my mind,
I dont really care if that means holding up the line.

lines in theory, go the direction they are meant to flow
but when you live in the moment, sometimes you just have to go
but when to leave, is the most importantly thing to know
the best arguments, I have ever won,
were where my feet did all the talking,
knowing its ok to keep on walking
when someone pulls out a gun.

forget the here and now, and lets hear how
and lets hear now
how it all came to be, what exists presently
is me
from each situation i've been in, everything I have seen heard or read
from everything felt, broken down, or thought that made me sit up in bed
I take a little piece of every moment as it flows
sometimes without even realizing what it is this guy knows.
above everything I am under nothing
whith the impression I'm under, it's the same as everything that could ever be
the only way to completely exist, is to just let is all free
there is no I you or me, but rather an eternal we
God is not a He; dont look outside yourself,
but rather a BE, its all perfect

there is always darkness, dark isnt always bad
without darkness there are some dreams you would have never had
be the light, you know are
its not what anything can do for you
but rather that everything can be done through you

live love laugh learn, its all free
according to this place, you have to pay to exist in society
not the case, when you exist within your eb and flow
your love and the allgood all know

you are always on time, maybe not on a clock or someone elses time frame
but this is your life, and above it all, it's a really enjoyable game
its not about fortune or fame, information or people
but rather how you treat the people, and use the information
your always on time for your life

YOU ARE GOD. YOU ARE MADE UP COMPLETELY OF GOD PARTICLES. YOU ARE EVERYWHERE, AT ALL TIMES, ON SO MANY LEVELS. don't believe me? you shouldn't anyways until you see for yourself. want to prove it- go check to see if you aren't somewhere....where ever you go, there you are. 

more later

what is it that is holding the majority of us back? the 99 percent that is subjected to the tyranny or the other 1 percent,  that is being held down, is because of an existing idea. If you take into consideration, the fact that ideas themselves, are entities. they are able to procreate, reproduce, expand, as well as affect other ideas. the solution at this point, does not fall on any one person subject to the human condition; but rather, the collective people sharing ideas, and allowing them to become universally bigger than the idea that is currently in place keeping us from maximizing our potential and utilizing all of our resources that we are entitled to, simply by being born into the physical plane. 

natural selection is where the dominant member of a species or group, will pass along traits to help ensure species survival. same is true with an idea. in order to eliminate an ideal, one must be created that can become larger and more apt for adaption in the new situation we wish to create.

money- barter

greed vs. abundance

theft vs. community items/food

nevermind

:)

I NEED HELP!

Why is it I, that is undesirable, Why is it I, that knows way too much about what people feel like they have no bounds in understanding. It is I, who was put here, but for what? myself? that seems a little far fetched, yet all my actions, and others' responses, lead me to my own mental depths of solitude. are these lessons or preventions.

 The way I feel, I have not felt since high school. I feel unwanted by my own family. i am spiraling through depressing thoughts, and I have no goals right now. I am starting to wonder what I'm doing here, on earth. I like to sleep, because at least in my dreams, I am not happy or sad, I just exist through thoughts.

I am angry? hidden anger? maybe I dont know what anger means, but I do not feel angry, I do however feel all these things, aside from stomach ulcers

Checklist for Hidden Anger

• Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
• Perpetual or habitual lateness.
• A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
• Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
• Frequent sighing.
• over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".
• Smiling while hurting.
• Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
• Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
• Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
• Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
• Slowing down of movements.
• Getting tired more easily than usual.
• Excessive irritability over trifles.
• Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
• Sleeping more than usual / maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.
• Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
• Clenched jaws or grinding of the teeth / especially while sleeping.
• Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.
• Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
• Chronic depression... extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
• Stomach ulcers.

dreams, and how they relate.

dreams.
 i realized today that I make connections in my dreams to all the pieces i accumulate ina  day, but what about the info thats in my dreams that i could not know about. last night, or rather the night before since its now five in the morning,  I took four sleep aide gel caps, after the night before i took two and had slight dmt effects before going to sleep, and chillled with d mill and therra. Anyways i took four and could not sleep, finally i got to sleep and the only piece of my dream from the night before hit me a little while after i woke up. i was controlling a mechanism, but in the mechanism there was a fan, spinning, to cool a piece of heated coil like a large oven burner, but the side That the fan, and Myself incidentally at the same time, was cooling off the piece of the coil that wasnt even working anymore. i broke off the usual spin axis and broke everything apart, and the hot part of the coil re-melted everything into something brand new, I have been in the same cycle since i graduated high school. fuck. I need something new, and to re establish myself. I am lonely man, but not in a way that is all depressing. i just wish i could have that ongoing conversation with someone, when that conversation turns into an ongoing argument, is it too late? haha for me probably. i need to re desensitze myself, but not to the extent i came from, coming from brooklyn, but to the extent of naive. o man those were the days. my thoughts haunt me, but really they are thoughts of the future, and its not a haunting, but a daunting, daring mission about to take off. life is a mission, im going to accomplish, but this is my first go in cognative memory, and im still fucking shit up. i cannot be around people i care about, because my actions may influence them. this is not something that i would like. also when i am around people i care about i do not feel free, do i care about people who care about the wrong things in me, or the right things in me. i dont really know where i stand with a lot of things. i have played the devils advocate for so long, in a sense, as well as a manipulative hidden agenda. that combined with overwhelming notions of empathy and all Im left with is the fact that I actually know nothing, except for a few things, which are all conundrums. I love to be around the ones i care about, but when i'm around the ones I care about, my life sucks. essentially the way things are set up you need money to survive. to save money means nothing unless you spend it at some point.