Wednesday, June 1, 2011

I NEED HELP!

Why is it I, that is undesirable, Why is it I, that knows way too much about what people feel like they have no bounds in understanding. It is I, who was put here, but for what? myself? that seems a little far fetched, yet all my actions, and others' responses, lead me to my own mental depths of solitude. are these lessons or preventions.

 The way I feel, I have not felt since high school. I feel unwanted by my own family. i am spiraling through depressing thoughts, and I have no goals right now. I am starting to wonder what I'm doing here, on earth. I like to sleep, because at least in my dreams, I am not happy or sad, I just exist through thoughts.

I am angry? hidden anger? maybe I dont know what anger means, but I do not feel angry, I do however feel all these things, aside from stomach ulcers

Checklist for Hidden Anger
  • Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
  • Perpetual or habitual lateness.
  • A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
  • Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
  • Frequent sighing.
  • over politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of "grin and bear it".
  • Smiling while hurting.
  • Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
  • Over-controlled monotone speaking voice
  • Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
  • Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
  • Slowing down of movements.
  • Getting tired more easily than usual.
  • Excessive irritability over trifles.
  • Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
  • Sleeping more than usual / maybe 12 to 14 hours a day.
  • Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
  • Clenched jaws or grinding of the teeth / especially while sleeping.
  • Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.
  • Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
  • Chronic depression... extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
  • Stomach ulcers.

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